Near The End

I felt inspired to write as this first deployment is coming to a close. THANK GOD! I do feel pretty lucky that this deployment seemed to pass by a lot quicker than I thought, but it still wasn’t fast enough. I also feel lucky that my husband’s deployment was only six months.  That still doesn’t change the fact that I miss him dearly. Being apart from your bestfriend and spouse is a terrible feeling no matter how long. The longer the time, the more you miss them and all the little details. The details start to stack up and so does the pain of separation. However, despite those details and all the missing, you can 100% make it through the separation. I cannot imagine how difficult it would be having to be a temporary single parent for an extended period of time. But I do know that it is possible from seeing others do it.
From my personal experience throughout this deployment, I feel that it made mine and my husbands relationship stronger. But not that kind of  “army strong” kind of bull****. But rather, from us learning and growing together; seeing things differently and gaining perspective. I’m actually grateful for the closeness this deployment has given us as a couple. I also feel we have both learned things about ourselves. Changing for the better within ourselves and for each other as husband and wife. For me, there was a lot of realization with myself and our relationship. I also was able to gain more independence. I’m used to relying on my husband to do things or asking him to do it until the last minute, or trusting him to take care of the finances. I came to find out that I can handle it. I might not do the best job, or as good as him, but I managed and we came out just fine.

We get our first home in a little over a week. We didn’t have anything and had to start from scratch all over again or just get things we’ve never had to have. We were lucky enough to end up with a 3 bed 2.5 bath on base. After 3 house offers being changed on us, we finally ended up with one. Hopefully this will be the right one and not change. I’ve had to change the address for DirectTV a few times and adjust the mail too. It’s rather irritating. I have two packages being sent to the first home and don’t have the current residents contact information. I currently live 1 hour and 45 minutes away from base, so it isn’t exactly close by to just stop on by uninvited.  Anyhow, I’m rather excited about moving. Not much longer after the move my wonderful husband should be on his way home.

I cannot wait to see my husband again. To feel his arms wrapped around me. I want to bury my face in his chest and hear his heartbeat. Words cannot describe my excitement! I just want him home, and safe. I am a very blessed wife to have such a wonderful man in my life and as my partner. ♥  Beyond grateful.

Much love,

Mrs. Carpenter

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1st Deployment

1st Deployment

So, recently my husband left for his first deployment. I don’t have too much to say other than it has been very difficult. At first, saying goodbye was extremely hard. I cried A LOT. After he left and driving myself home I didn’t cry. I didn’t cry for awhile. My heart was filled with such sadness. In the first few hours and days he was gone… I felt very sad, but acted like nothing was going on. Almost as if he were coming back at the end of the week. We’ve had some hard times throughout the majority of our marriage. We almost got a divorce back in June. Things happened, he came back to me and wanted to work things out. Here we are months later. Not until after he already reached his destination did he message me in a final decision in letting the past go and agreeing to FULLY start over. It took him awhile to finally make the choice to let go of the things he would say he would and quit looking into the past. He had said things that I never thought I’d ever hear/read. Neither of us have been this happy in probably a few years now. I am so very VERY grateful. However, after he let everything go 100% and talking about it with him, I now feel so much closer to him. I no longer stress if he will up and leave me tomorrow, but instead feel that I can love him freely again and not have to worry about being broken. This has been amazing, but has made him being deployed suddenly suck that much more. I’ve been crying more, been holding his pillow and t-shirt closer. Wanting to talk to him more… wanting to say “I love you more”. My heart now feels torn between such great happiness, yet so much pain. We’ve finally been able to reach a point in our marriage where we can both let go of the negativity and BOTH be happy in our marriage, and we aren’t even together to feel that comfort and share that happiness and “LIVE” that marriage together, not fully, for 6 months. I’m sure that will make his homecoming just that much more special, but it also makes waiting just THAT much more harder.

I’ve loved my husband through everything. No matter how low I felt, no matter what he said to me, no matter how angry he made me, I love(d) him unconditionally. I never gave up, nor ever will. I know that marriage is never something that is perfect and easy. It will take work from both parties the entire time, but if you are willing to overcome the bumps, hiccups, and hurdles together… anything is possible. I believe solely in teamwork. Marriage should be a TEAM. No, “I’m the husband I provide the money and roof and that is all.” No, “I’m the wife, I only cook, clean, and do what I’m supposed to..”. Yes, to each their own, but I feel that working as a team and helping each other out in every aspect makes a huge difference. No set chores or responsibilities, but infact, communicating and willing to help the other when in need rather that be physically, mentally, emotionally.. what ever it may be.

Sorry, I went on a little tangent there towards the end. I have a lot on my mind. I hope and pray that the other military spouses are able to gain comfort and love from friends and family as their spouses may be overseas. It’s not easy.. and for me, it’s only the beginning.

Goodnight. ♥

Love Always,

Ashleigh

Wait. Wut?

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When did this happen? I’m in my hotel bed in Charlotte, NC right now waiting for time to pass. I can’t believe ill be driving to see my husband on the morning. *Technically my Father in law is driving* haha ^_^
I can’t believe we have finally made it to this point even! It’s crazy to believe. These last two weeks went so fast! It’s scary! As if I wasn’t scared enough as it is.
I am very nervous to see him again. It’s like meeting a cute stranger. I feel flustered like the first day I had seen him since middle school. He used to be a little chunk! He changed so much from them I could hardly recognized him as the same person. When we reconnected through a mutual friend in HS, he drove an hour and a half JUST to pick me up from school and take me home. When I saw him standing outside of the school gate by the library I had a terrible case of the butterflies! Haha shaky rib cage, sweating, awkward smiling… You betcha, the whole bid. That was also the day I knew something big was gonna happen with us. It was only a feeling. A very unknown feeling that I’m still trying to unravel more and more of each day. I’ve never really been one to believe in “love at first sight”, and I still don’t really. This was something more than that. I can’t lie though. I was captured by his hot/cuteness! 😉 Haha! He was 100% hot and 100% cute! Never though it was possible. But he is!
Anyhow, I’m so proud of this man. It’s amazing to look back on that all the way up to now! It’s unbelievable the things we’ve been through and how much we have molded and changed. I can and will always love up to my promise when I say I love him unconditionally. This has and will be a sacrifice for us on both ends. We can and will overcome trials that come our way.
Thank you. And Goodnight. Gonna take a shower at about 5am and leave about 6am to SC. Yuppie! So ready!
BRING IT!
HOOAH!

1 Day.

Today is Monday. 1 day and 13 hours until I see my husband. /cry I’m freaking out even more that I haven’t received a phone call. I just checked into the airline! 😀 I’m ready to goooooooo ♥
Sorry this post is rather short but I’m about to eat dinner and am watching The Following with my husbands cousins. ♥ Talk soon!

Love,
Ashleigh

2 Days.

(Jan. 2011)

2 Days until I’m finally reunited with my husband. My other half. My best-friend.
These past few days have seemed to go by rather quickly. I’m thankful for that yet slightly frightened. I’m worried the time with him will go by just as fast if not faster. I think my fear and sleep is aiding the time to pick up. I’m overall just hoping that things go by as smoothly as possible. I’ve been very restless and I want to eat eat eat eat! But instead of eating, I haven’t been eating. I’m quite the jumbled mess as of late. I’m so excited that its nearly down-right painful. If I don’t move any muscles in my legs I feel a stress in my heart.
I really would like to go out and buy some groceries and cook myself and his cousins some dinner. I’m not too sure why I feel afraid to ask. Perhaps it would go out of their way to drive me? I’m unsure. I miss my car and being able to just get up and go when I want. Not having that freedom is making me more of a recluse, I feel. *sigh* I can’t wait to get our lives started (more-so) together. I’m so very excited and have been waiting for the past 2 years. Not to mention, that on top of all the excitement, we have to start from scratch as far as household belongings. Yaay more things to worry about.
Welp, I’m going to before I get more jumbled and restless. df;kaf;kajf

Waiting.

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Impatiently waiting to see my husband. 4 days as of this post. 3 more days until I’m on a plane, on my way to NC to meet up with the in-laws. Stay there over night, then drive out to SC. ❤ I’m getting nervous. Like… first-kiss kind of butterflies. It’s pretty crazy!

I’m beyond ecstatic. I’ve already got my things packed. ♥ I’m still unsure what to wear for family day though… (which is driving me crazy!) I’m really itchin’ for a phone call on Sunday! ☺ I need to get details to get a rental car to take him back to AIT with, however, I need to find out what time to pick it up and to drop it off. It’s rather irritating. I would like to pick it up Graduation day (Thurs.) and drop it off on Friday. I wish I didn’t have to specify times. Poopy. Meh. 

My sleep since I’ve been in Virginia has sucked. First night was horrible. Just… horrible. Last night wasn’t too bad. But I kept waking up then going back to sleep until 3pm EST. So very frustrating. I also keep having nightmares. Having nightmares and an empty side of the bed kills me. I used to roll over and at least hold my husbands hand, arm, or cuddle close to him. I have not even my dog since I left her with my mom in the meantime of me being across the country. Sucks. SUCKS. Sucks. I really hate it. I CANNOT wait for him to be home. I’m REALLY hoping he gets a weekend pass before he starts AIT on the following Monday. *fingers crossed* However, no one knows but those who can make that decision. *sigh* I really dislike the unknowing. 

Concluding this post; I’m going to attempt to get some sleep, (at 12:40am). I REALLY need to get on EST schedule. >_< I also have Mumford & Son’s – “I Will Wait” on repeat. ♥ Goodnight. I hope…. 

Ft. Lee, Virginia Bound

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Well, I’m happy to say that I’m finally in VA! 1 week from today I will be SC bound! Crazy to think that the days have made it this far. I never thought I would make it to this point! I’m so excited and anxious to see my husband! ♥ Especially NOW, being miles and miles CLOSER than where I was before! There’s only 1 state between us now. I am excited to spend time here with his cousins too! They are awesome! ♥ I hope the time will go by fast still, because I miss my husband like no other. He has always been my other half; my best-friend. Here we go! Counting it down from 7 (almost 6) days.
Our journey only began Feb. 10th, 2013.. cheers to new beginnings and our new life! Wish us luck! I’m sure we could use it. 0_0

 

♥Ash